Critique Notes

A lot of the energy to tell the story comes from the book itself. I go back and re-read through the chapters and it helps to put me right there.

Telling a story in first person POV is like being an actor, just putting on this one identity throughout. Third Person limited with multiple POVs is more like being a director, deciding where to put the camera angles.

Beware Stupid Plot Tricks. I’ve given up on Homeland. Carrie is built up in a fast sequence of scenes to be this bad-ass super spy with mad tradecraft, and then she fails to wait for her niece’s car to drive all the way away before letting the guy out of the trunk of the car. A total stupid and boring mistake that allows the niece to see in the rear view mirror and set up God knows what mischief. This is what’s known as a false note. I turned it off and deleted the rest of the hoarded season. Know to avoid this kind of manipulative and fakey way of creating totally unnecessary complications and suspense. You need to come by these things honestly in the company of smart characters. Don’t ever talk down to the reader or over-explain things. Hemingway Iceberg Theory. If you know what you’re talking about, you can leave a lot of things out and the reader will follow you. (Not being Hemingway, one can only hope.)

Critique Notes

Deleting Sam Fox from the story was interesting. A lot of his material can be transferred to other characters. Even things taken from his hands and put into other hands. Tells me Sam wasn’t that essential to the narrative in the first place. My instinct to get rid of him probably was right. Don’t stick to a mistake, even if it took you a long time to make it.

I’m deleting anything that sounds like I’m explaining something. Just say what happens, stick to character POV, and trust the reader to figure it out without redundant explanations. I’m also making a few choices to make my characters smarter. They figure things out quickly, where before I might have kept them confused longer to create suspense. But it’s another kind of false suspense created by making the characters dumber than they have to be.

Kickwriting

Writing that kicks you. Writing that keeps you awake from sheer mad joy. (Thank you, Jack Kerouac.)

If there is a secret, this is it. Just do it for the kicks.

A few things about suspense: let the reader know more than the characters. The character who knows the least about what is going on has the most suspense. This does not apply to the reader. Let the reader know what you know, and don’t try to create suspense by withholding information. I think it was Louis B. Mayer who said, “Make ’em laugh. Make ’em cry. Make ’em wait.” This is not bad advice, but it becomes artificial if you hold back information crucial to understanding what the hell is going on in your story just because you think it will make the story “suspenseful.”

I think this is true, but I could be wrong. As Musashi says, “think deeply on these things.”

 

When the Demon Comes

Well, I planted the yarrow yesterday. I didn’t actually plant it with my own hands, it was planted by the Holiday Nursery guys who told me it was too early to plant, plus too late to trim my Sand Cherry tree which had already started to blossom. However, it turned out to be neither too early nor too late. So I have a nicely trimmed Sand Cherry and two new yarrow plants. Yarrow being the traditional oracle for the I Ching as well as the plant that attracts a Crossroads Demon. Watched a few scenes of a 1957 movie, “Curse of the Demon,” about a skeptical professor and a devil worshipper who cross paths. Scary, so I stopped watching. Read on Wikipedia that the Satanic cult guy gets torn apart by the Demon in the end.

I only tried writing horror one time. I was living in Venice, 25th and Speedway, a block from the beach. I forget the details of the story. I just remember that mysterious little fires started to spring up around the house. A trash basket burst into flames. A candle out of control. Like that. I abandoned the story.

Watched a beautiful piece by Judd Apatow about the life of Garry Shandling. Inspiring. Shandling’s thoughts on Zen Buddhism, plus his desire to create a real human being. Himself. His comic characters. Real humans. That’s what I want for Anna Jane. Just something simple. A real human being. Let her come to life on the page. I want that for her.

I’ve been avoiding Chapter Four all week.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Today’s study in plot structure. Brilliant and complex. Present-day storyline intercut with straight flashbacks, flashbacks to illustrate present-day voiceovers, straight-up memories depicted (the Christmas party), memories recounted in narration (Smiley’s meeting with Karla). The flashbacks are used to elucidate the present-day storyline, piecing together the puzzle, following the clues. The memories deepen the characterization of Smiley, the central character.

Since I am not a maestro on a level with Le Carre or the screenwriters, I could never handle the intricacies of deconstructing the story this way. Besides, my story is not constructed as a mystery puzzle, so using flashbacks to tell the backstory this way wouldn’t work. However, the idea of presenting the backstory in a parallel timeline won’t completely leave me alone. A few things to note:

–the way the story keeps circling back to things you’ve already seen and presents them in a new context.

–the brilliant image of the train tracks switching — perfect image for a major plot point. I need an image like that. Note that it was set up by previous scene of Smiley looking out the window at the train yard.

–the snooping scenes where the snooper almost gets caught. These scenes always freak me out, make me look away.  Find a way to use this. The freaky almost-getting-caught-snooping thing.

–complex motivations even for minor characters, and the way they all fit together perfectly to make this Byzantine puzzle.

–the use of the memory scenes to deliver emotional gut punches.

–aftermath of torture – no fingernails. Strapped in with headphones playing intermittent loud noise.

–the cigarette lighter – carries emotional baggage and instantly identifies Karla — double duty for a significant object.

–lots of short scenes – two or three minutes, six minutes, five minutes. No loitering. And yet, taking his time when something stands up to deep detail.

–different characters talking to each other about other characters.

–Smiley thinking things over, hearing voices in his head saying the same key things over and over until something clicks.

–all so self-referential, constantly circling back on itself. “Everything wants to be round.” (Black Elk) Each time you encounter something – an event, an object, an image – your understanding of it deepens.

–scenes where everyone is there in the same place (several memories of the Christmas party)

–“I had to pick a side.” (Why the mole betrayed his country.)

–“A fanatic is always concealing a secret doubt. So he can be beaten.”

 

I can use all this.